Prayer is a conversation between us and the divine.  No matter the name of the divine, Krishna, Yhwh, Jesus, Buddha, it is a time when we offer our inner most thoughts up and await the guidance of the divine.

It looks like lament- a keening hollow shriek that pierces the soul.  It looks like laughter and joy as we praise the goodness of blessing in life.  It looks like tears as we beg for something different than what is before us. It looks like using every foul and filthy word and flinging them at the divine like poop sacks in anger and knowing the divine hears us and does not judge us in our pain. It looks like hope, a dream for the future that is golden and sweet.  It looks like silent thanks- awareness of how we had a close call to something worse.

It is done in the silence of the night, cars during rush hour, emergency rooms, funerals and births.  It is done at meals and houses of worship.

But in the end, it is conversation between us and the divine, whom I happen to call God.

It is not a conversation between us and each other.  It is not action that changes us and draws us near to one another.  I believe in prayer.  It changes me.  But my prayer does not change you or the circumstances we are in.  The first is up to God and the last is up to us.

Today a people of faith gathered and sang in joy and prayed in thanksgiving for blessing of a new child. A sweet baby with all the hope and possibility of the world at their feet. And as they prayed, a man shattered their world with guns and hatred.  He intentionally murdered them during their moment of prayer and joy.  He entered their sacred space and desecrated it.

The response of leaders of our nation?  That they should have been armed.  That we should pray.

I am offended as fuck.  I am angry and sad and full of all the emotions on this abuse of prayer and our essential right to religion without persecution.  They were persecuted and our national leadership has not decried the very essence of our nation being stripped from these citizens.  They give us excuses, victim blaming, and an argument to use words against bullets.

We need to do more than pray.  Jesus did NOT tell his disciples only to pray.  He told them to “go and do” in order to BE change in the world. He knew prayers were not enough for change and they will not be once again. They will not bring back those precious lives. They will not comfort our Jewish siblings of faith in their grief and trauma of once again being persecuted for their faith.

This is NOT ok.  We have to do more. I don’t know exactly what that more is, but it starts with talking to each other and hashing it out just like we do with God- with anger and tear, with laughter and dance, with fear, trembling, hope, and sorrow.  But it is not enough to talk to God about this.

This is on us.