Part of me is really surprised that how we act in front of a piece of fabric is dividing this nation so deeply.  Every flag is just a bunch of colored cloth- it has no meaning except that which we impart upon it.  How we react to it reminds me of how to a child, their lovey means the world and is sacred, but to so many others, it is just a lump of cloth and stuffing.  The important part of that image is to remember that to that child, their personal experience and meaning is important and world shaking and it is never our right to tell the child their experience is not of value.

I happen to be one who will #takeaknee.  I respect the reasons why and have stated as much in many others places.  But today, I write to say, I also respect those for whom it is painful to see. Their experience and need to stand is equally as important as mine to kneel.  I see that.  I respect that for them, the flag is more than a piece of fabric, it is the visual representation of their loss or the life they have lived giving up so much along the way.  I respect that for them, this feels like we are hurting them personally by taking a knee and they cannot see that the choice is not about them, but about our own convictions.  And it hurts.

It hurts when our convictions clash with the convictions of the ones we love.  It feels like there is not enough air in the room for us both when we are both screaming to be heard so loudly.

So I am not screaming now.  I am taking a break from facebook and discussions on the flag- because there are bigger things that need tending in my corner of the world.  There are hungry people who need fed, dying people who need a prayer, and lives that need my support.  I don’t have time to argue over whether we stand or kneel for our flag- because lives are in the balance and I am going to be too busy doing what needs to be done to help them.

So as I take my leave from the discussion, I propose a solution.  I propose it because I do not want our physical stance before a piece of fabric to be the end of relationships that I treasure.  We disagree.  And I still love you.  I hope you still love me.

I know you hear me- I know you hear my heart on the issue of brown skinned people and their need to be seen and valued.  I know you do, because I hear you, too.  I hear your heart about hoping for more for our nation and the need to stand tall and strong in the meantime until we reach that ideal; the need to stand for the lives sacrificed for an imperfect nation.  I do.

So how about this:  how about You stand for me.  You stand for our belief that we are going to keep fighting for an ideal we have not reached yet and that it is a worthy ideal- freedom and security for all people of all skin tones.  You stand for the lives given for our nation.  You stand strong, a sentinel against the wind, and night, to be a watchman on the tower, standing guard for our nation.  And I will kneel.

I will kneel for the lives lost in the imperfect seeking of that ideal.  I will kneel for every mother and spouse handed a folded flag.  I will kneel to pray for more- for healing, for peace, for comfort.  I will kneel in sorrow for the brown lives dying because we have not reached the costly ideal yet.  I will kneel for you because I know you desire these things too- you desire our nation to hear and see and do better.

Let us be one- let us stand and kneel for one another, side by side, hand in hand.  I need you there- standing.  For when I finally utter a grateful prayer of thanks that all live in freedom, you will be the hand I grip to stand up again from my tired knees.  You will then lean on my shoulders for rest as you stood watch, strong and silent and waiting.

We will do this- together- because we hear each other’s hearts and we know we matter- together.

So I will kneel for you, will you stand for me?