It has been twenty years exactly. Twenty years since Pastor David Stoner surprised me in Bible study and started a chain of events I never expected to end up here. As we sat in study, someone asked him about seminary (not me) and he was sharing information about it. At one point he was speaking to the funding for seminary and said “We have sufficient funding to send several students to seminary, Julie.” The look on my face said everything- because I cant make my face shut up, ever. I didn’t know why he said my name. I was listening, I swear. So, why me? What was I missing? Afterward I asked him. His reply was simple and short and equally confusing, “When you are ready to talk, I am here.” All I could think was, “what the heck does that even mean?”

During this same time frame my beloved Great Aunt Ruth (Torricellas) Faust was dying in nearby Pennsylvania. I drove to see her every couple weeks and spent a lot of time in the car praying and singing with newly discovered Kelly Clarkson. On each trip to her farm I spent time with family I knew about but never lived close enough to get to know; learning about them, falling in love with them, learning more and more about myself along the way.

2 weeks before Aunt Ruth (known to the rest of the world as Granny) died, I sat by her on the floor, painting her nails. Now Granny was a strong woman and she did NOT allow foul or cursing language in her house. AT ALL. EVER. But as I sat and told her the the story of Pastor Dave, she grabbed my hand, pulled me in close, bent to get her face right up in mine and said, “Honey, you need to get off your ass and start listening to God.” Well. …. Well, um. …Okay, then.

Two weeks later, in the pouring rain, we stood at her graveside as an ELCA pastor led the service. I honestly dont remember the name and neither does the family. They had no relationship with him. He had started after the family, long-term, pastor of the church had died and as this was an active farming family, they were not in church much- so they were “missed” in the care and relationship building a new pastor needs to do. I remember the cold and the mud and his voice. I remember listening and noticing his words weren’t connecting for the family. I could see it on their faces. I knew, just knew we (church) could do better than this- should do better than this. I remember clearly wishing I could help those gathered and feeling like this is a thing I can do. I can walk with people in death and help them hear a message that has meaning. I can walk with them in times of difficulty and help them see God present with them. It wasn’t an a-ha thing, just a sure knowing that was bone deep.

I wish I could say I knew then and there that I was going to seminary. I didn’t. But, I finally realized I should ask some questions. That fall I was enrolled in college to work on my bachelor’s degree so that I could attend seminary. And this last week, I stood at the side of Aunt Ruth’s son, Dennis, my cousin, as he passed into eternal rest. I stood with them in the funeral home several days later, blessed to be the pastor for his family and community at his funeral. It felt like a full circle moment. To be sure, it has left me asking myself some very hard questions about my ministry now. And, it also assured me that this thing, this walking with folks in life and death, it is a path I have been on for 20 years and it is where I am meant to be.